just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
