At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
