u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
