you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
