i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
