i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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