I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
