He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
