M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
