I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
