mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize