I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
