Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Randomize