I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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