i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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