he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
