Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
