i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
