Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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