So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
