got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
