I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
All I want is dick and wine.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
