He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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