I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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