i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
