I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
