K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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