i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
