6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
