For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
