That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I could fuck to npr.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
