found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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