Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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