There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
