I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
