drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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