Need sex. Gaining weight.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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