3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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