So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
