he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize