I just saw a hot homeless man
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think I won the penis lottery.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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