dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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