My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
