Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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