I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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