My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
