Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
