I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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