Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
