Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
