my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
