If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
NoShamevember. You game?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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