i jhust puked up my retainher.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
