I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
