You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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