Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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