If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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