So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
