i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
