Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize