Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
