I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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