Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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