So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it hurts more in the daytime
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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