Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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