so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
