I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
