I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
