wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
