You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
