saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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