i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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