Buhtt sex?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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